Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Reflections on impact

Breathing in and out, I realize there is no place to go... This place i so deeply desired, the dream of where life would unfold. My sense of place where I would find meaning, fulfillment, purpose. My children raised up & held in a earth blended texture of warm windy wild afternoons. That place comes as wonderment, imagination, & curiosity... My life lessons so far seem to prove that most of my journey is an illusion of thought. This place, that person, my accomplishments all falling away into the nothingness of everything. The other day 3 comments appeared on this blog. The message I heard from the anonymous commenter was: anger and deep discontent of a human being not willing to look further inside themselves. One thought that holds truth for me: We are all mirrors for one another, a teacher of sorts, reflecting back a personal pattern that asks for deeper inquiry... I feel blessed, grateful, content and peaceful knowing I have been thrust into the deep inquiry of self. This expedition into my scary dark shadows of dis serving patterns, habits, language & blame, has begun opening up my heart and mind. This difficult challenging process of deep self exploration, has allowed me to contain more compassion, openness & understanding for all livings beings... Truly wanting to understand another humans story is what I wish for. Listening and understanding begins with the sacred art of holding space for others. Does that space exist within me? Do I have the capacity to be a vessel of deep understanding compassion, kindness & love? Yes, I most certainly do...!! My gift I offer is conversation in a kind loving compassionate container for those that truly wish to know who I am, I challenge you to come forth and show up in your fullness, so we may have a complete understanding of our impact in all our relations..

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Son & Daughter

Peace of heart, confusion of mind, water streaming in river, behind birds singing in trees growing, hair washed, body cleaned, drinking tea, with much thought about my son & daughter.
Squirell on rock watching man in van, writing to unload my limit of overloaded thoughts. That girl dreamed that her intimate connection with me should end. wow! Relationship, how amazingly dynamic, a perfect medicine to bring about reflection to fully live my truth... Drinking beer after tea for breakfast resting by the river. I yearn to hear my children; playing yelling yapping screaming. To watch them running jumping moving falling balancing their beautiful bodies on these river stones. Like; trees, squirells, crows, snakes, lizards, just living on this earth is enough. Some days my mind does not stop, imagining the ways of reconnecting with my childrenn. What do they look like, what does their voice say , Are they held in kindness, love and understanding, is anyone listing ? Maria saw them, " they are beautiful just like pappa".
And, someday I will meet you both again out there in the matrix of oneness and love....

Slurry Swiming

Mornings- reverent early morning sunrise. my body's mind full of dreams & family. Sunshine streaming through oaks and pine, dappling my waking naked body. My inner Veshy a sleeping floor, a gathering place for clothing food blankets & books. my two headed fish - swimming both upstream & downstream, strong in confused focus, caught in a slurry of no mission here or there to complete task... I sit live eat breath think thought of spoken word, leaving staying coming & going. my foundation f#!%^- up. my building unable to soar without soil in roots. where does this need of family community foundation roots shelter home & grounding come from ? I am scared to stay and scared to leave. so i find a place and try not to move. the wittlesy family land has been welcoming warming nourshing & comforting. a strand of security in this crumbling ocean of reflection. a broken life of a brave man seeking deep growth & a man looking outward weathering the sad lonely storm, seeking shelter where comfort finds him. Unsure how to rebirth in a story that wants me dead and gone...

Monday, June 4, 2007

first inspiration

I feel far north of everything south as I roll east on my two wheels of rubber. My early morning image of sleepy eyes awoke by sunrise & this early morning breeze. Singing deep sounds of poerty to passing trees. My bike, my body, this morning image reflected in this clear & cold mountain lake. I jump in & engage my daily mantra of shattering stagent and stuck thoughts of unserving self-images. Shivering wet cold, I give thanks for naked silence and wild places with no judgement... My self-image; awake alive beautiful & healthy. I spend another day in the steep and rugged canyons of snowy peaks rivers & lakes. Some how I have fallen into a love affair with the image of being a wild mountain man. My looks growing wild & wolly in a high mountain wind storm. I live there in this illusion dillusion confusion. Everday I walk run or ride on this rugged steep crevis of earth. I am absorbed and obsessed with this playground of dropping deeper into the truth of my image.. Maybe here I'll rest on this pristine mountain valley. Ready to actualize this growing deep dream of stacking granite stone & shaving fresh logs. Creating my beautiful image of wilderness home....